tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-876524428745638996.post2379806632302512325..comments2024-01-24T16:57:52.487-05:00Comments on Writing Unleashed with Laura M. Harkins: "Punishment": A Status Play Exercise with DialogueLaura M. Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07118305776404765529noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-876524428745638996.post-16437992773420156222012-07-12T13:44:42.117-04:002012-07-12T13:44:42.117-04:00he black pupils of her eyes swallowed the honey br...he black pupils of her eyes swallowed the honey brown hue as she met his cold stare. <br /><br />I liked that use of the show don't tell rule a lot. <br /><br />Wish I could afford to do that class.Bullyboyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10702074948187399631noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-876524428745638996.post-46648673320020437452011-02-17T01:57:49.459-05:002011-02-17T01:57:49.459-05:00I thought it was nicely done. It's one of my f...I thought it was nicely done. It's one of my favorite things to write, dialogue. I feel it makes a story more dynamic.<br /><br />http://ficklecattle.blogspot.com/Fickle Cattlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10281753566416281237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-876524428745638996.post-48751381088034989562011-02-16T14:36:44.486-05:002011-02-16T14:36:44.486-05:00Thanks for the feedback. Yeah, Clevenger isn'...Thanks for the feedback. Yeah, Clevenger isn't a big fan of dialogue tags. I noticed I didn't use any. I guess I need to be clearer with the description of action along with the dialogue to keep readers from getting lost.Laura M. Campbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07118305776404765529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-876524428745638996.post-13417932813500118782011-02-16T13:34:26.682-05:002011-02-16T13:34:26.682-05:00I kind of got lost in some of the dialogue and had...I kind of got lost in some of the dialogue and had to keep backtracking to make sure that I knew who was speaking because there were no he said, she said dialogue tags. I'm not advocating that there be one for every sentence...just maybe a few more to keep it straight.Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-876524428745638996.post-84628346993849700312011-02-16T12:11:53.906-05:002011-02-16T12:11:53.906-05:00Thanks! I'm glad you were freaked out. The sh...Thanks! I'm glad you were freaked out. The short story is going to horror. I don't know why exactly, but that's what the story wants. <br /><br />Unfortunately, the assignment required mostly dialogue and the high status needed to be tossed back and forth often. I agree with you that a man like that wouldn't tolerate her talking back. <br /><br />My energy to write the short story is starting to build as I play around with the characters. This is a new approach for me and I can't wait to see what makes it to the page. Thanks again for your feedback.Laura M. Campbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07118305776404765529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-876524428745638996.post-45945475136548558292011-02-16T08:09:19.730-05:002011-02-16T08:09:19.730-05:00This is very nicely done. I was really freaked out...This is very nicely done. I was really freaked out while reading it--in a good way.<br /><br />One thing that occurred to me: would a guy this volatile even tolerate a woman who spoke back? I was wondering if you could make her strength internal, with her saying one thing and thinking another. Not sure that works for the exercise but maybe for your story?<br /><br />Best of luck, and again, nicely done!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com